mohud-scca.org

[Jim Garry]

Some oldies and a couple new ones (at least for me):


Pat and Mike had been drinking buddies and friends for years. After having a few drinks in a bar, Mike said to Pat "We have been friends for years and years and if I should die before you do would you do me a favor? Get the best bottle of Irish whiskey you can find and pour it over my grave." Pat replied, "I would be glad to do that for you my old friend. But would you mind if I passed it through my bladder first?"

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An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes." Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?" "Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar, the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?" The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."

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Seamus was walking along the coast of Galway early one morning with a bit of a sore head when he tripped over something in the sand. Reaching down, he picked up a lamp and starting rubbing it. There was a huge crack of thunder, an awesome amount of smoke, and lo and behold, a genie appeared.

"Mornin' boyo," said the genie. "For releasing me from two thousand years of bondage, I'll be grantin' ya three wishes."

"Isn't this grand," said Seamus. "Can I have a pint of Guinness?"

"Sure of course ye can," said the genie. And poof! a pint appeared in Seamus's hand. Seamus starting sipping away at the pint. "This has to be the best pint I've ever been tasting."

"Of course it is," said the genie. "I'm an Irish genie, after all, and I do know a bit about pints. Now, let's get on with business. You've got two more wishes left, and I haven't got all day!"

"Now just be bidin' yer time," said Seamus. "I want to enjoy me pint."

"Ah," said the genie. "That's a magic pint."

"And what do ye be meanin' by that?" asked Seamus.

"Well," said the genie, "as soon as it's done, it'll fill right back up again just as good as the first."

"Is that so," said Seamus, finishing off the pint. Sure enough, back up it came, and when he tasted it, it really was every bit as good.

"Now," said the genie, "about those other two wishes?"

"Ah," said Seamus, "I'll have two more o' these!"

=================


A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

==============

Brenda O'Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ye."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ye, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

"Sure and I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Brenda reached a hand out to her side collapsed into a chair. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guineas Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda ... no."

"No?"

"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
_________________
Jim

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; but in practice, there always is a difference. - Yogi Berra

[91rs13]

Friend of mine sent me this one. It explains so much about the Irish attitude towards their country.



On vacation in Rome , I noticed a marble column in St. Peter's with a
golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, I asked who the
telephone was for.

The priest told me it was a direct line to Heaven, and if I'd like to
call, It would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined the offer.

All throughout Italy , I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a
marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the
same: a direct line to Heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars.

After Italy , I finished up my vacation with a tour of Ireland . I
decided to attend Mass at a local village Church . When I walked in
the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating:

"DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN, 25 cents."

"Father," I said, "I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals
I visited, I've seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price is
always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?"

The priest smiled and said, "Darlin', you're in Ireland now. It's a local call."
_________________
DJ
SCCA's First Event at Monticello Motor Club's Full course -- Mohud's 1st PDX -- FRIDAY SEPT 24th, 2010 -- Join us!
REGISTER HERE
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[Jim Garry]

Some day I'm going to take a trip there. My dad's mom was born there but she made the mistake of marrying a Scotsman and so my dad was born near Edinburgh.

http://www.bobsheldon.com/image.php?galleryid=ireland&imagename=287-059cw1CliffsofMoher.jpg

http://www.bobsheldon.com/image.php?galleryid=ireland&imagename=287-216cwTypicalIrishDay.jpg
_________________
Jim

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; but in practice, there always is a difference. - Yogi Berra

[91rs13]

My last trip there is 2002

http://picasaweb.google.com/91rs13/IrelandTrip2002?feat=directlink
_________________
DJ
SCCA's First Event at Monticello Motor Club's Full course -- Mohud's 1st PDX -- FRIDAY SEPT 24th, 2010 -- Join us!
REGISTER HERE
http://www.motorsportreg.com/index.cfm/event/event.advert/uidEvent/4CF385C4-A412-0BD8-A9FA517D0D7BA12B

..